Tears for Persephone

I've been in a bit of a sour mood lately and I don't know why. I wrote this to kind of cleanse my brainspace.

~~~~~~~~~~

They call it the golden hour. The hour that draws in the final breath of a day and exhales dusk. The hour when the sun paints the sky bruised and blood-smeared and slinks off to lick its wounds—to rejuvenate. The hour when shadows creep and crawl and devour. The hour before the hush and stillness of an ending descends and dreams are free to walk in the comfort of the night—dreams of new days, new beginnings, and open horizons. 

Lost in the golden hour, he sat numbly watching the heavy drops of a December sun-shower slide down the window of the cafe. Fat, heavy opals refracting the last of the golden light like tears for Persephone. He couldn’t help but think of the unceasing march of mortality in times like this. The seemingly endless drag of life. The burden and expectation of continuance. He envied the rain for its impermanence—for its freedom to evaporate, to transform, to become something other. He inhaled—a long, slow breath that took in the hum and din and rattle of conversation and clatter—and exhaled wishing for the fog and calm of silence. 

He felt heavy, as if his skin held the leaden weight of deadlines and priorities and reliance. His shoulders slumped beneath the encumbrance of obligation and the onus of being needed. He wanted to shrug. To let it all fall crashing to the floor. To delight in the wreckage of responsibility and regain the youthful freedom of summers spent idle and complacent in the notion that this is as hard as it will ever get. He wanted the freedom of not knowing. He wanted to surrender the hard earned lessons that only come of blood and tears and scars. To lose the wisdom that comes of mistakes and heartache. He wanted to see beauty and hope again instead of the pervasive madness and desolation of an epoch of hardship. 

He was tired.  The kind of tired that soaks deep into muscles and bones. The kind of tired that gleefully mocks every fiber of will mustered against it. The kind of tired that makes men want to sleep for millennia and dream of the gentle sway of the ocean and the wet kiss of sea mist. He gathered his strength. Willed his limbs into motion. He didn’t shrug. He hefted the burden of life, of responsibility, of adulthood and stood.  Like the sun he had too much to do to give in to the bone-weariness. He walked into the rain. Looking up, he let the rain kiss his face; listened to the gentle, renewing whisper of  it. He smiled.

Tomorrow is another day.

Proper Cell Phone Etiquite, or How Nobody Wants to Hear Your Mouth.

Cell phones are one of the best things to happen to communication, and one of the worst. I am constantly torn between my love for my smart phone, and my absolute abhorrence of fucktards that don't understand the simple, basic rules of conducting themselves in public when it comes to the proper usage of these miraculous devices. So hark, fucktards! And hear ye well, for I shall impart unto you the sage wisdom of the modern age. 

1. Inside Voices:  Seriously, there is no need to yell into your cell phone, and even less need to yell into your bluetooth headset. Unless you are standing under a jet engine the person on the other end can hear you just fine...unless they are standing under a jet engine. In either case... hang up and try again later.

2. Bluetooth Headsets: No, seriously... you look like a douchebag. Unless you are driving, there is absolutely no need to wear the damn bluetooth. You don't need to wear it into the grocery store. You don't need to wear it in the restroom. Hold your phone like a normal fucking person. 

3. Driving: Get a hands-free unit or shut the fuck up. There is nothing in the universe important enough that you need to talk about it while drifting into my lane. Shut the fuck up and drive.

4. Content: If you are going to have a deeply personal conversation, do it somewhere private. The people in line behind you at the check-out don't need to hear about how well your vagina did at the gynecologists office, or how Uncle Skeevy touched your no-no spots as a child. Save that shit for your therapist's office or take it the fuck outside. 

5. Common Courtesy: (Note-I know, I know... there is no such thing as common courtesy these days) I may be biased by my years of service in the retail industry, but if I exert the effort to paste a plastic smile on my face and pretend to give a shit that you have walked up to my register by greeting you with a friendly hello then the least you can do is acknowledge my fucking presence by prying your cell phone away from your douchey face long enough to return the greeting. Hell, even a cursory nod in my direction would do more to appease my ire than your complete disregard. I realize that I am currently playing the part of a lowly cashier and that you are obviously far more important than me, but would it really kill you to show me a little bit of respect as a human being by asking the person on the other end of the conversation (who also probably thinks you're a tool) to hold on while you check-out?

5. When in doubt: Shut the fuck up. Seriously, nobody wants to hear your mouth.

Oops... I did it again.

So, yesterday I posted a status update on my FB page which was then reposted by a friend. My intent was to point out that, yeah, Amy whats-her-face drugged herself to death (Darwinian theory working as intended) and people were making a huge deal out of it while ignoring the more important event that had occurred that day: 92 people being murdered by a Christian extremist in Norway.

I just had to post the ensuing conversation for posterity and hilarity. So, for those of you not fortunate enough to have enjoyed this on Buie's FB page, I give you "The Angry Teabagger."

 

I apologize for the shitty image quality. 

I didn't feel the need to throw gas on the fire by pointing out that I am not alone in viewing the tea party as an extremist fringe political cult. With figureheads like Limbaugh, Bachmann, Glenn Beck, and Sarah Palin it's hard to take them seriously, and easy to see why I would equate them to gun loving, religious, xenophobic, anti-anything-not-Christian fuckbags like this Norwegian bomber chap. 

Being Wil Wheaton

I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come out and say it. I have always felt that I have spent much of my life trapped in the wrong body. I'm not saying I have a pressing desire to wear silky bottoms or anything. My problem isn't one of sexual identity (I like innies, not outies), but rather one of expectations. It struck me recently when I was accused of acting macho simply by standing with my arms crossed (I have back issues so standing with my arms crossed helps align my posture into a comfortable position) that people see me as some oafish man-brute.  I am often called things like "Big fella" or "Hoss" (whatever the fuck that means). When I talk to people they genuinely seem surprised that I am a moderately intelligent individual. I think when people look at me they expect me to act something like this:

When on the inside I think, act, and feel more like this:

Seriously... I'm like a neck beard away from joining a LARP group! (No offense to my LARPing friends... I'm just not that far gone yet).

Take tonight for example: in my Intro to Psych class we were discussing cognitive abilities associated with learning and memory. The professor put a series of numbers on the board (1-7-7-6-1-4-9-2-1-8-1-2-1-9-4-1)  and asked us to memorize them and then moved on. At the end of class I raised my hand and recited them perfectly. He seemed kind of surprised that I remembered them. I said it was easy. As soon as I saw the numbers I recognized them as significant dates in American history, so I broke them down and remembered them as simply as this:

1776-Declaration of Independance

1492-Columbus sailed the ocean blue (and wiped out an entire native population)

1812- comma the war of

1941- The bombing of Pearl Harbor. 

To me, no biggie--a simple task. But the Professor seemed surprised. 

The moral of this story is that I feel like people look at me and expect some mindless slab of idiot-meat. My physical being does not reflect my mental being. I look like someone who should be out tailgating, "ahhh-guy'ing" about football, high-fiving my buddies, and chest-bumping over our sexual conquests. In reality I am a 5+ year subscriber to World of Warcraft with multiple max level characters. I love reading fantasy novels (WoT, Song of Ice and Fire, Malazan etc.).  I love video games, comic books, cartoons, super heroes, and movies about all of the above. I watch just about every sci-fi show on the Sci-Fi channel (I refuse to use their idiotic new moniker). And--brace yourself--I like Star Trek more than I like Star Wars. *ducks*

So basically what it boils down to is that I want be like Wil Wheaton. The man just makes geekdom look cool! 

...okay... maybe not THAT cool.

My boy Darwin

Okay, I admit it. I lapsed. I promised I wouldn't fall off the planet, and I did. I lied. I'm a big fat liar pants. Get over it.

I'm Kinda sorta working again. I took a part time job working for a friend of mine at the State Liquor and Wine outlet. I love it. The people are awesome, we have a lot of laughs. It is a total reversal of my last eleven years where I hated the majority of the people I worked with, and wouldn't piss on most of them if they spontaneously combusted. I would more likely roast marshmallows on their twitching corpses... and I don't even like marshmallows! I'm also back working the door at "The Bar". Again, I like it. Easy money. The store is great, but I'm not sure it is a long-term deal. My severance is slowly shrinking and I should probably start looking for something more permanent and lucrative if I want to maintain my little nest egg. I'll hold onto the bar as long as possible--easy money and all--and it wouldn't really interfere with a M-F 9-5 type gig.

I am also taking two classes this term. History I, and Humanities II. History isn't bad because it's in class. I somehow thought it would be a great idea to take Humanities as an online course. I was wrong. I liken it to repeatedly hitting myself in the face with a bag of hammers. Anyway, the impetus for this post is that in my humanities class we have to post discussions about historical figures, artists, literature, paintings... all that smartsy type shit. So I posted about Darwin and the theory of evolution since it was period specific (Neoclassical/Romantic era). Holy fucking Christ on a stick you'd think I just prison raped the virgin Mary!

I get comments like this shit:

"i find darwins  ideas and beliefs to be intriguing,  although i have christian beliefs and therefore i do not believe his  theories, i still find his  work to be very interesting everyone has a different perspective in life."

Really? You don't believe hundreds of years of scientific proof, human genome mapping, genetic studies of both flora and fauna, entire libraries filled from floor to ceiling of documented, empirical, scientific data that all points to the fact that evolution is real and ongoing? Do you also not believe that the sun is the center of the solar system and that dinosaurs once roamed the earth? You do realize that even the catholic church accepts the principles of evolution to be fact right?

"I also have Christian beliefs, and I do find Darwin's theory interesting and I could see why people would believe that. A part of me thinks that what he believes makes sense and all, but I've had the fact that we were created drilled into my head for so long that it's kind of hard to think anything else happened."

And a part of me believes you almost pulled your head out of your ass long enough to think for yourself instead of letting years of indoctrination do your thinking for you.

Don't get me wrong, if a grown adult wants to believe a fairy tale about a giant magical dude in the sky wiggling his fingers to make things happen, all the power to ya! I have no problem with people looking for an explanation for their existence. It's just when people bury their heads in the sand and refuse to THINK outside the biblical box that I get a little perturbed. I may be a godless heathen, but even I know that your good books tells us that G-to-the-D gave humans the gift of free will, which comes with perks like making your own decisions and questioning the workings of the natural world. I am even okay with the belief that G-to-the-D kick-started the universe and let it evolve on its own. But to deny scientific proof of something simply because it wasn't written down in your book is just childish and inane.

I'm not a "take things on faith" kinda guy. I believe in what I can see, touch, feel, examine, question, and tangibly witness. I would love for God to come down, pat me on the back and say "hey, look, here I am. All my glory and awesomeness and shit. Let's talk." And I would accept his existence without further question or denial, but until that day I rely on proof. Hard proof. Not that frilly shit like "well then how do you explain *insert some seemingly miraculous event here*" or "Well the bible says *insert circumstantial evidence of God here*." I'm sure there are all sorts of events that, on the surface, appear entirely miraculous. Just as I am sure there is a scientific explanation for all of them. I don't believe in ghosts, Zeus, Coyote,  Allah, Yahweh, or any other member of the forgotten pantheons of gods and goddesses that came before this incarnation of convenient explanation, or any that may follow. If that means we cant be friends, I'm sorry to hear that, but at least you used your "god given" ability for free thought to come to that decision.

Mediocre Man Vs. Provocation II

Got a facebook email from *Frank* this AM.

Hey MM, I wasn't taking a shot at you personally. I sometimes consider it a bit unfair to take all of the shots at Bush. It has become politically hip to denigrate him. I didn't agree with a lot of his policies either, but I sometimes feel that he is far less appreciated for what he did do, and the manner in which he did it. I usually like to call things as I see them and don't always go with the flow. Good discourse here though, and no offense intended and none taken.

To which I responded:

Hey Frank,

I never felt that our discourse strayed into ad hominem territory. It seems we are making the same point only from opposite sides. It has become equally popular to denigrate Obama. I just feel passionately that people should look at things from both sides before passing judgment. I wasn't a Bush fan but I can agree that he did some things right. It may surprise you that I am not a big Obama fan either, despite having voted for him. In times like these we need fiscal responsibility, not rampant spending and governmental nannying. It may also surprise you that I voted for some republicans in the midterm election for those reason exactly. I'm pretty centrist really. 

I never felt attacked. I just enjoy a good honest argument now and then and can get a little punchy. Likewise, no offense was intended and none was taken.

And then to the thread, which continues:

My friend the Bushist: I do not think we can color confusion . Confusion is a state of mind. Bush did what he needed to do to protect our country. I do not agree with a lot of his policies. But, you have to agree that with the current President we have now, is that he does not have a clue.

Roger: 8 years with Bush ,2 with Obama, 10 years of confusion. i believe the old addage is true, men will not ask for directions when they are lost. (2 people like this. Me and Frank.) 

Frank:  Well put *MM, Bushist and Roger*. I believe the whole political process as it stands now is lost. The political dialogue is mostly being hijacked by both far right and far left activists who conveniently control different aspects of either the ...media or vast amounts of capital that is used to control back door attempts and sometimes not so back door attempts to sway public opinion through quite often not totally honest statements. The problem is that what makes common sense to a far righter is abhorrent to a far lefter and vice versa. And most people for years have become far removed from the political process. The average voter is far less informed than he or she should be. And political advertising consists of mostly dishonest or disingenuous sound bites. The answer ? At stake ? What direction is this country going to go in. Will it continue to to be what the forefathers set it up to be ? Or is it even that now ? This is a very interesting time in the history of this country and so, for the world. We might not all realize it but the future as we will live it is being determined as we go. There is truth in what all of us have written here but ultimately the people we elect will determine that direction. Food for thought for us all. (2 people like this. Me and Roger) 


Me: To Roger's point: I couldn't agree more. The thing is, we aren't going to fix 8 years of mess in 2 years. I voted for Obama, but I'm not exactly thrilled with the rampant spending in a time where fiscal responsibility is needed. I just think it is fair to cut the guy a little bit of a break considering the shit storm he walked into. Anybody stepping into that office, even old Crusty McDusty McCain himself would have been hard pressed to please anyone in such a climate.

And to Frank's statement: Again, couldn't agree more. Somewhere along the lines we forgot to be a nation of, for, and by the people and became a nation of, for, and by the highest bidders. Our government was lost the second it became a get rich quick scheme with officials in the pockets of big business. I understand the system needs money to grease the wheels, but I also don't want my government run on the whims of billionaire industry looking for more billions.

Gentlemen, good discourse. It was a supreme pleasure to converse with such well versed individuals.






And we all live happily ever after. 


(Surprise! I'm not a Democrat as I am often accused. I vote independent of party affiliation.)

Mediocre Man Vs. Provocation

Why do people provoke me? Seriously!

Another tale of woe from the Facebook chronicles. A friend of mine (despite his irrational love of the retard formerly known as President Bush) posted a link to Dubya's new memoir with the caption "He did care about this country!" Which was fine. I took no umbrage to this.  We are all entitled to our opinions. I didn't like Bush or his policies, but my friend did and I respect that. As a rational human being I don't understand it, but I respect it.

Of course, then the right wing loons have to come out and play. This is the thread, word for word (names changed of course) that ensued.


Frank: He took one for us and never complained or defended himself. He protected the country and the office of the President. (2 people like this)


Deb: LMAO! History will tell.

Me: no comment (aren't we having fun!)


Karen: *name removed* are you sure that's not a coloring book he's signing? (1 person likes this. Me.) 


Jane: *Karen* funny comment will give ya that..but be is alright..straight shooter and 1000xs better than the dickhead that is in office now!

(now my ire is stirred.)

Me: Forget not who the present dickhead inherited his mess from.

My friend who posted: brotha you do have to remember who put us there. Barney Frank Chris Dodd (Housing mess), wow they were Democrats, and they controlled Congress. *Karen* I hope so I like to color. (2 people like this)


Jane: Yes *MM* it was his fellow dickhead democrats in the house. (1 person likes this)


Frank: George Bush didn't create the housing mess (Barney Frank, Chris Dodd and liberal Dem lending rules) nor did he create a no win climate in the US auto industy (unions). He did instill confidence and a sense of unity and pride after 9-11, which everyone seems to forget. I would have had no other Pres on 9-12. And, he is a selfless, sincere Patriot, proud to be an American, which cannot be said about the current socialist apologizer. (1 person likes this) 


Me: Bush also got us into a useless war that has cost us trillions of dollars. And the housing crisis started before the Clinton administration when the elder Bush administration chose to ignore warnings about derivatives regulation. I'm not blowing rainbows up Obama's ass here, I'm just saying that the right has a tendency to ignore/forget the past while blaming the new guy for everything their party is responsible for.

(Am I the only one being reasonable here or am I playing devils advocate?) 


Bill: And the left contiues to believe in "HOPE".....close my eyes and let's hope this all gets better in the morning? It was the Dems that refused to have Freddie & Fannie investigated by stating that both (freddie & fannie) were stable....according to Barney Frank....but then again maybe Barney was having a conversation about the TABLE....being stable.


( I think Bill tried to make a funny and failed.)


Me: I dont disagree about the left's unrealistic optimism. I just think that if people are going to lay blame and point fingers they should at least attempt to learn the facts involved. Blind obsequence, regardless of party affiliation, does nobody any good.

Frank: it seems the blind obsequence started with your quote "Forget not who the present dickhead inherited his mess from". Don't forget, despite the rejection that just happened in this last election, both Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid have all stated that they "didn't properly sell their message to the American people". The American people know exactly what they are selling, and that is exactly why the people aren't buying !

(I don't think Frank knows what "obsequence" means.)  


Jane: Bravo *Frank* well said!   (yeah, he really showed me!)

Me: Color me confused. How exactly is my original statement blind obsequence? Are you denying that the current administration inherited a mess of a war and trillions of dollars of deficits and record debt incurred by the Bush administration? I ...harbor no illusions that the Obama administration is infallible, but nor do I think the Bush administration is inculpable. I never claimed that Obama hasn't had his failings, just that it is unfair, and lazy, to lay blame solely on the Obama administration. My original statement was not an indictment, but rather a call for rational thought. Something I often forget is an unreasonable expectation when dealing with single minded party extremists on either side of the aisle.

My point... if you are too lazy, or just incapable of doing your homework before running your mouth... STFU.  

I'll update if any further developments occur.