Mediocre Man vs. Misanthropy

Every day my faith in humanity is tested, and every day that faith slips a little further towards complete misanthropy and hermitage. Day in and day out, I am confronted with the absolute dregs of humanity. Sure, I suppose someone working in a maximum security prison sees the absolute worst of humanity on the horrific end of the spectrum; you know, the kind of people that decapitate their mothers and wear their heads as hats. Yeah, Those people take the crazy cake. But what I have to deal with, the people I am loathe to suffer on a daily basis, are those that inhabit the "how the fuck did this knuckle-dragging-mouth-breather make it out of the womb --much less into adulthood" end of the spectrum.

 (thank you Gavin for this perfectly apt graphic)

I don't suffer fools well. I am a rational and logical person, and I expect that everyone else will be rational and logical as well. I know this is never going to be the case, but a guy can dream right? I hate the term "common sense" because I don't think there is anything common about it. In fact, I think the average human being is a petty, puerile,vacuous twatwaffle. The people who are open to civil discourse, free thought, and self improvement are, in my humble opinion, rather uncommon.

Perhaps it is the bitterness of the past weeks travails talking, but I genuinely dislike most people. The saddest part about this whole ordeal is the fact that it affects my relationships with the people I actually DO like. I would love to see my friends more often, unfortunately that means I have to go out there... where the stupid people live.

Conversely, I am looking forward to finally being laid off. I am looking forward to starting over and being able to reinvent myself in a new place with new people. Ultimately though, I know I will only find most of them to be equally as disappointing as the asshats I currently spend the majority of my waking hours with.

Mediocre Man vs. The Finish Line

My company will be closing some time around the end of May or beginning of June. You would think that, given our mutual circumstances, we would all be able to get along and just get the job done, collect our severance checks, and go our separate ways. You would of course be wrong.

The people I work with are the biggest bunch of bottom-feeding, ass-kissing, back stabbing, drama reveling twatwaffles that humanity could ever produce. These people spend more time complaining about doing a simple task than it would have taken them to just STFU and complete the task. It would be easier to count the people I do like than it would be to count those I dismiss as human refuse.

It is a chore to drag myself into that place day after day. I have 10 years into this company and if not for that severance check dangling on a stick in front of me I would pull a Scarface and walk.

I know what you're thinking... "Isn't going out in a blaze of glory like Pacino a bit overkill for a shit hole job?"

And the answer is yes. Because that isn't the Scarface I was referring to, this is:

Mediocre Man vs. Misconceptions

I have already had a few people comment (only one on here; Hi Maggie!) that I don't give myself enough credit, that I am not mediocre, or  that I am not average. I have had people ask me why I lack confidence. My answer to this is that I don't lack confidence. The simple fact of the matter is that I am a realist. I'm not saying that I am not a smart person, just that statistically I am not a unique snowflake. There is nothing spectacular about me... and honestly, I am perfectly okay with that. Not everyone can be uber special.

When I say that I am average or mediocre and that I am enjoying the view from the top of the bell curve I just mean that I am one of the masses and don't happen to land on either end of the intelligence spectrum.

To better explain this perhaps an explanation of the bell curve for those that aren't familiar. The "Bell Curve" is the popular name for Normal Distribution (also called Gaussian distribution). It is often called the bell curve because the graph of its probability density resembles a bell.

Illustrated below.

Note: the irony of the two polar opposites of the spectrum is not lost on me... I made the damn graph.

Mediocre Man vs. English 120

Tonight was my final class for English 120. This class was such a blast! I am actually saddened to see it end. My fellow students were a collection of amazing people.

Ashley: Stunningly beautiful, exceptionally smart, and skilled in the culinary arts; she kept us all well fed with cookies, babaganoush, and an assortment of goodies. She wants to be a chef and restaurateur, I have no doubts she will achieve that goal.

Billy: Shy and quiet, but with a sense of humor that comes out of left field. A very humble and awesome guy. I believe he is pursuing a degree in something to do with being an immigration officer or something like that.

Chaz: He's just cool. A motorcycle riding man of the earth. 

John: My boy Johnny Rags. A former selectman turned IT guru, this guy has seen and done it all. He is as humble and likable as  the Dalai Lama. 

Meghan: Every man's dream girl. Meghan is a rock-n-roll loving, truck driving, 4-wheeling chica who is breathtakingly beautiful to boot. She is as hilarious as she is gorgeous.

Rocio: Beautiful (muy, muy hermosa!), intelligent and graceful. She was a champion figure skater for Mexico who made it all the way to the 2002 winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, only to be disqualified from competition because of politics. She recently fractured her tibia in like 6 places, which sadly ended her career. She is now pursuing a degree in finance I believe.

And of course, Robert Wheeler, my absolute favorite professor. The man is amazing. 

Being surrounded by all these amazing people has been an awesome and awe inspiring few weeks.

As part of the course we were asked to write a submission for "Writers' Journal's Write to win Contest."

Here is my submission.

Oh... and I got an A in the class so I still maintain my 4.0 :) 

Mediocre Man vs. The Bureau of Weights and Measures

The other night I had a series of strange dreams. This isn't remarkable per se, I often have strange dreams.

The one that stands out the most (although the one about nudist landlords in a swimming pool is a close contender) had a lot to do with this blog.

I was in a room full of people from the Bureau of Weights and Measures; one team was measuring me with tapes, calipers, gauges, and micrometers shouting out measurements. The other team, meanwhile, was in the background hastily writing down the measurements on clipboards and shaking their heads in sad, just-doesn't-measure-up motions.

That's when Graham (one of the crazy kitties) decided it was time for his daily 3am scratching session under the bed.

Now, its a question of the chicken or the egg. Did I have this dream because I started this blog that afternoon, or did I have this dream as a meaningful indication of my current mindset?

Questions to ponder in my Mediocre Man-cave on this Saturday afternoon.

Our hero takes the stage

I suppose an introduction is in order.

My Name is Rob. I am the epitome of average. I'm not great at any one thing, but I am passable fair at several things. I have an average body(i.e. too much of it), an average name (Robert was the 8th most popular name in 1978), I live in an average house (with a nice hardwood floor), and I am an average student (at the age of 31 I finally decided to get some college under my belt). Sure, I have a 4.0gpa, but that's only because I haven't been going long enough to fuck it up yet. I work an average job, and like the average American I will soon be unemployed-- my job is shipping down to Mexico.

I have no marketable job skills. I have been in the same mindless, dead-end job for the past 10 years. I move heavy things from one spot -----> to another spot. You could train a monkey to do what I do. I know my way around a computer, but I couldn't program, design, repair, or maintain a system or network, nor am I proficient in most business related software.  I suck at math, I have a rudimentary understanding of common sciences, and I fail miserably at social interaction -- I swear like a truck driver and have a bit of a misanthropic streak. I Worked as a bouncer for several years, but there aren't a lot of job opportunities on  Monster.com for meat-heads with a penchant for ass-holery.

The only things in my life that are above average are the people I know. My friends, my family, and my girlfriend are truly amazing and wonderful people. I have surrounded myself with brilliant people in the hopes that some of their brilliance might rub off on me and possibly put a spit-shine on this dull facade of mine. 

My intent with this blog is to document my journey of self edification. I am at a crossroads in my life, and like Dante,  I will be wading into the depths of the inferno in the hopes of forging a new me. I doubt if anyone other than me will ever read this; but then, my goal isn't to gain an audience, but simply to record the progress, the mishaps, the utter failures, and the triumphs.

Let the adventures begin!